Computer Jokes

I found this really cool webpage with some funny computer jokes. http://phd.pp.ru/Texts/fun/signatures.txt


Here are a few of my favourites.

The BeOS takes the best features from the major operating systems. It's got
the power and flexibility of Unix, the interface and ease of use of the MacOS,
and Minesweeper from Windows.

The difference between Microsoft and 'Jurassic Park':
In one, a mad businessman makes a lot of money with beasts that should be
extinct.
The other is a film.

"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!"
                               -- Bill Gates, 1981
"Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM."
                               -- Bill Gates, 1996
"Nobody will ever need Windows 95."
                               -- logical conclusion

And my definite favourite,

Bus error - driver executed.

Enjoy

Bored?

I was bored so I did a Google image search on "bored". Here's some links to some of the stuff I found

http://www.zefrank.com/bored_2/bored.gif

http://www.bloged.co.uk/pics/20041112/bored.jpg

http://www.ssbc1604.com/images/HF_Bored.gif

http://www.traveljournals.net/pictures/l/1/10599-a-discovery-whilst-bored-waiting-for-the-bus-vietienne-laos.jpg

http://www.cjcc.com/Images/funny%20picts/When%20Your%20SysAdmin%20Is%20Bored.jpg

http://vagalume.uol.com.br/deftones/bored-traducao.png - This one's in a different language but just have a look if you're bored. And if you're really bored you can translate it.

http://www.brezice.com/sala/8/images/image/i-am-bored-53453.JPG

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/boredcat-isbored.jpg

http://marty-center.uchicago.edu/webforum/052007/big_bil_bored.jpg

http://www.funnypicturespace.com/funny-pics/lovepenis.jpeg - this one's funny.

http://homepage.fcgnetworks.net/myage/COMIX/BoredInClass(Color).jpg - I like this , it's different.

http://www.homebrewcentre.co.uk/img/productImages/IMG_0867%20CODE%205624_400.jpg

http://newmedia.funnyjunk.com/pictures/i_am_bored_pic.jpeg - what is it with people and their cats?

Hope you're unbored.

Film of the Week 12/11/07

The Lost Boys is the film to watch this week. A quality film starring Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric, Corey Haim and Alex Winter.

The Lost Boys is a horror movie about a about young California who must fight a gang of teenage vampires.

Though the film is not scary but it does have a slight sense of mystery which works well.
It is a pretty good modern take on vampire fiction with some funny one liners.
And Kiefer Sutherland's hair in this film is just so cool.

Definitely a film to see, no matter how old it is.

8/10

Haze PS3 Exclusive

Some of you 360 fans out there will be disappointed to hear that Haze has been cancelled for it's Xbox and PC release and will only be available for PS3.

Some of you may be thinking "Haze? What the hell is that?"
Well, it is probably one of the best looking games I have seen (not forgetting about Crysis) with some really cool features and some really intelligent AI. Made by Free Radical Design, the creators of the Timesplitters series though Haze is going to be a serious game unlike Timesplitters' comicalness (not sure if that's a word).

Haze is a first person shooter, set in the not too distant future (2048) future where there is no UN (United Nations) or NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization) , just the Mantel Global Industries, a private military company.

You play Sergeant Shane Carpenter, a soldier for Mantel. Carpenter fights rebels in South America in the war between the rebels and the Mantel Global Industries army, which began in the year 2032.
The game takes place over three days that will "change Shane forever." Mantel battles a guerrilla group known as The Promise Hand led by a dictator called Gabriel "Skin coat" Merino; a brutal man who wears the flayed skins of his POW camp inmates.

Haze trailer (it's a youtube video, that's why the bad quality)

So far I dont know who the good guys are, because The Promise Hand seem pretty gruesome and I just got a bad feeling about Mantel.

But definitely an awesome looking game, shame it's only on PS3 though.

What do you think of this? Leave a comment.

Here's To Joe

Here's a shout out to Joe, my good buddy. He's been bugging me for a long time now to give him one of these, and as he is a friend and like my only dedicated reader. So I'm going to give you a quick overview of Joe from when I met him.

I first met Joe in the Autumn of 05 and back then he really one of the guys, with his long messy hair, random outbursts of anger and his continuous battle against his spots. And at first glance gave the impression of being queer and basically leader of the nerds.

But in the summer of 07 he changed. He got a haircut, some new clothes, had a shave and stopped playing Xbox and basically sorted his life out. And now he's overcome his spot problem, managed to control his random outbursts (sort of), and now at first glance looks like a non gay totally heterosexual male. So it's been quite a drastic change for Joe, and bad news ladies, he's already taken.

So this one's to you Joe.

Apple iPhone

Apple's long awaited iPhone (exclusive to O2) finally hits the shelves tomorrow. But what has it got to offer apart from it's music player and phone capabilities?

You are able to browse the net with a modified version of the Safari Browser via local wi-fi, which most phones can already do. But you can purchase music from itunes with this feature which is quite cool.

The iPhone runs an optimized version of mac OS X, which which jus screams out "HACK ME!!!".

It comes with a choice of 4 0r 8 gb flash memory which would go nicely with video support but it doesn't play video which sucks. Maybe someday Apple will make a firmware or sombody will make a custom firmware that plays video.

The headphines have had a bit of a function upgrade with a built in microphone which doubles up as a hands free kit.

But what makes the iPhone really cool is the 3 axis accelerometer which basically senses which way you're holding it. So if you turn it on it's side the screen will go into a landscape view.

With bluetooth 2.0, a 2 megapixel camera and a pretty good looking GUI (guided user interface) the iPhone has a hefty price of £269 and the the cheapest contract being £35 monthly, looks like it's going to be cheaper to buy a phone and an iPod.

A nice piece of equipment, but I can't really it a rating as I haven't had a hands on with it yet but from what I've seen, it looks real good.

Maple Syrup Dilemma

I'm in a bit of a pickle. The problem is that I have a whole bottle of maple syrup at home but no pancakes. So i don't know what to put it on. I could try it on fruit but its wrong to waste it all just on fruit.

What do you recommend? Leave a comment.

No Posts?

I apologise for not writing any new posts but to be honest with you, I just haven't been bothered.

Film of the Week 24/10/07

This week's Film of the Week is Lucky Number Slevin, starring Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley.

A case of mistaken identity lands Slevin (Josh Hartnett) into the middle of a war being plotted by two of the city's most rival crime bosses: The Rabbi (Ben Kingsley) and The Boss (Morgan Freeman). Slevin is under constant surveillance by relentless Detective Brikowski (Stanley Tucci) as well as the infamous assassin Goodkat (Bruce Willis) and finds himself having to hatch his own ingenious plot to get them before they get him.

A very good film, and in my opinion definitely Hartnett's best performance. It's very different from the usual mobster thriller and has twist you don't see coming.

9/10

Film Of The Week 15/10/07

This week's Film Of The Week is The Cider House Rules, starring Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron and Michael Caine.

I was glad to see to see a decent film lead by Maguire other Spiderman. Tobey plays the role of Homer Wells very well as the orphan which grows up under the care of doctor Michael Caine and learns to become a well trained doctor. He portrays Homer as good willed and innocent which is what you would expect from an orphan.

Homer grows tired of the orphanage in which he works, and finds work on a cider farm picking apples.

Not a film for the close minded, and not really a must see film but if you're a fan of the cast give it a try.

Favourite line: Homer Wells says quite shocked"What we don't actually watch the movie?"

6/10

Resident Evil: Extinction

I watched this yesterday with a few of my friends and was quite surprised of how good it was.

The third installment of the Resident Evil series doesn't tell much of the story regarding Alice or of the happenings in first one but we do see Umbrella Corp trying to find a cure for the zombies, and the birth of super zombies.

The only thing that really disappointed me was that Alice had too much emotion and I think it would have been more effective if she had been more like a one woman army.

Extinction isn't really a survival horror like it's predecessor's but is more like an action movie with zombies.

So basically, Resident Evil: Extinction is like Apocolypse but bigger and better. But is not as tense as the first one.

Still it's a film worth going to see.

Favourite line: Carlos Olivera findina a joint behind the truck seat "Sneaky bastard"

7/10

Google Fags Don't Accept Ad

I was sent a £30 voucher by Google to spend on their advertising service
I thought the site needed some new readers as I only have about two regulars.
So I make an account, but as it turns out, they are not going to accept my advert because it contains the word crap in it.
The only way I would be able to advertise on there is if I change the sites name, so **** them because I'm not gonna change it.

Don't Blame Games for Violence

I was browsing the World Wide Web when I found this brilliant article against the accusations that video games influence violence. Don't blame games for violence.

Film Of The Week 10/10/07

Sorry about the late post, I've been in dorset the last three days. Anyway this week's Film Of The Week is Reservoir Dogs.

I chose this one because they are just the coolest God damn people ever.

Quentin Tarantino's debut is an awesome film with a few decent songs on the soundtrack, a slight edge of comedy and a recognisable cast of all rolled into a tense crime thriller.

Favourite line: Mr. Pink: "Why am I Mr. Pink?"
Joe: "Because you're a faggot, alright?"

Mr Pink (Steve Buscemi) and Mr White (Harry Keitel)

Free Xbox Live.

A friend of mine told me that Microsoft are going to make Xbox Live free if 5,000,000 (five Million) people to change their gamertag motto's to "XBOXLIVESHOULDBEFREE" (no spaces and don't put the speech marks in).

Change your motto people I want free Xbox Live.
Add me, my gamertag's Kadoodle.

Worst Day Ever

Today was the worst day I have ever had. Heres what happened; it started offas a normal saturday morning and I felt like going out, so I rang my friend Harry to see if I could go over to his house, but what do u know he's over at Ed's house and I wasn't invited. I then rang Joe. He said he was going to town with Tom and Olivia (Joe's girlfriend) and asked me if I wanted to go. I said yes and met him outside Topshop. But... he was all by himself and
I said "Where's Tom?"
Joe replied "He couldn't come".
So it was just me and Joe until Olivia got there late at 2:00pm.
Doesn't that bad right, but it gets worse now.
We decided that Town was boring so we caught the metro to Bullring. On the metro, things started to get pretty awkward. The three of us talked for abit but then Joe and Olivia started doing what couples do and I just sat there feeling awkward.
We then got off the metro in Birmingham and walked to Bullring. In Bullring, we went to Topshop where Joe and Olivia made me to try on the most ridiculous outfit. Then I wanted to go into a shop that sold watches but
Olivia said "That shop's too small"
As I was still trying to workout why I didnt go into the shop we ended up walking back toward the metro station.
On the way there, we were talking about driver's licenses which I then said to Olivia
"Would you like to see my driver's license?"
"Yes I would" Said Olivia.
So I got out my wallet and showed her my driver's license I got from Legoland, then she laughed... alot.
Then said "Oh my god... you are such a loser".
I was shocked that she called me a loser and then she wouldn't give me back my driver's license and when she finally did, she threw it on the floor. I picked it up and called her a whore. She was shocked also. And we had a huge arguement on the way back to the metro station while Joe tried to stop us. We made a truce and apologised.
Back in town, we saw James and Robyn's sister and to top it all off, sprayed white hair spray all over my hair.
Later I was getting hungry so we went to Subway to bet a sub. But Joe and Olivia just walked away ditching me.
So that's what happened.
But I did buy Reservoir Dogs which made it a little better.

Definitely the Coolest Watch Ever

Me and my buddy were browsing the internet the other day and came across The Pong Watch, and were amazed.

The Pong Watch created by John Maushammer is a watch which tells the time through a game of Pong.

The watch tells the time via the score. How this works is that a continous game of Pong is played by the watch, then every minute the player on the right scores (score on right side is minutes) and every hour the player on the left scores (hours).

The Pong Watch is currently not for sale (this sucks cos' I really want to get one) but you can make one here.
You can see it in action here.

Definitely the coolest watch ever.
(click for larger picture)

Film of the Week 1/10/07

Some of you regular readers (one I think) maybe thinking that What Women Want is not the kind of Film of the Week thats on here as it is a romantic comedy. Well I thought maybe a change for this week and it's not all that bad.
Some good acting by Mel Gibson as the man who receives the gift of hearing women's thoughts. It's a decent movie until after 1 hour 15 minutes when the romance starts to kick in but does give you the odd laugh.
6/10 from me.

Happy Birthday Google

Google's 9 years old today. So lets celebrate 9 years of search engine goodness, the take over of Youtube and not forgetting the creation Blogger:P

Gerrard says "Emo Is A Pile Of Shit"

So My Chemical Romance front man says that "emo is a pile of shit" and the band and himself are hoping to get out of the emo scene.

“I think emo is ******* garbage, it's bullshit. I think there's bands that unfortunately we get lumped in with that are considered emo and by default that starts to make us emo.” Says Way.

I just hope they go back to writing songs like on Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge because that's definitely my favourite album of all time.

Read more at here.

National Peace Day

So today was National Peace day, but was it really that peaceful? Well a bomb was detonated in a teacher's car, students were shot at a US university and kids have been threatening workmen with guns I don't know about you but this sure as hell doesn't sound like peace to me. Is there even anybody promoting National Peace Day? Maybe even a parade so people know about it? I guess not. I'm all up for world peace and everything but what's the point of having a national peace day if people are still at war. Maybe they should wait till we can all live together in harmony and people can honestly say they live in a world of peace.

Felt Like a Quote

I just felt like writing a random quote,

"Dating is prostitution, except you don't always get what you paid for"
(Danny Masterson)

My First Time Developing a Photograph

Today at school I had Photography club and it was the best. We were supposed to take photos but the cameras were out of battery so we made a photo gram instead. A photo gram is like a collage but instead of doing it on paper, you do it on a sheet of acetate. When you're finished with your collage, you go into the dark room to develop it. I'm not going to go into detail about the dark room, you just put the developing light lamp thing on then put the paper in three different liquids to get your picture. Sweety time (you probably won't get that joke, it's between me and Michael).

Film of the Week

I chose The Breakfast Club as this weeks Film of the Week even thought it's really old and I saw it ages ago because all my friends think its rubbish. I know they're entitled to their own opinions but you can't say a classic is boring. So here's the film that started off all the high school stereotyped clique movies. It's not really that funny, but it makes a really good film. So watch it if you get a chance to, or buy it on dvd (only £5 from play.com)

Halo 3 Almost Here

I was browsing Play.com today and saw a Halo 3 countdown, and there's only ten days left. I'm not a really a fan of the game but I have been waiting for it to come out as it most probably one of the most anticipated games of 2007, not forgetting about GTA IV. So it's out around the 26th september and is availabe in three different editions, one of which includes a spartan helmet for about £70. I would've bought this just for the helmet but... you can't wear it which absolutely sucks.

Halo may be Microsoft's killer app but Assassins Creed is still no.1 in my books.

Random Joke

A man knocks on the door of a house at the top of a hill and a girl answers the door.
The man asks "What's your name?"
The girl replies "Olivia"
The man then says "I know you live here, I asked you for your name."


By the way the, this isn't my joke. All the credit should go to George for telling it me.

Banana and Maple Syrup

Last night, I was planning to mix Rice Krispies with maple syrup but what do you know, someone had eaten all the Rice Krispies which made me really pissed off. So I decided to make something else.

What you need:
Banana
Large bowl
Maple Syrup
Knife
Spoon

Step 1:
Peel all of the banana and put it into a large bowl.

Step 2:
Get a knife and cut your banana (I know it sounds dodgy) from one end to the other, but only cut it half way deep so the banana is still joined at the bottom.

Step 3:
Get the maple syrup (I like to use Clarks Pure Maple Syrup which is only £1
.50 from Asda) and pour some down the cut of the banana. Then pour some in the bowl. You don't have to pour it in the bowl if you don't want to, it just give it some more sweetness.

Step 4:
Get your spoon and ENJOY.

Spiders on Drugs

This video of spiders on drugs is great. You're probably thinking "I've seen this video before in drugs education", well you haven't seen this one. Reccomended to me by a friend, I think she was more focused on the drugs than the spiders *hint* *hint*.

Awesome Song

The song One of Us is Going to Die Young by The Ark is just amazing. The Ark are glam rock superstars in the words of Gerrard (Nick James). This is definitely my favourite song off the album State of the Ark. Anyway here's the song One of Us is Going to Die Young - The Ark

Girls and Sluts

What is it with girls getting all offended if you call them a slut or whore etc.? If someone calls a guy a slut or whore it's sometimes a compliment. Maybe I'll never know. But if you do know please a comment.)

Went to bed at 7:00pm

Went to sleep at 7:00pm last night. Just thought I'd tell you, was so freaking tired.

According to Harry

According to Harry, if you swallow chewing gum seven times you die. I don't know if this is in one day, one month or even a lifetime but I doubt it is true. If you know anyone who has died from swallowing chewing gum seven times, please leave a comment.

Completed Red Dead Revolver

Just completed Red Dead Revolver on the PS2. It's old but such a good game. For those of you that don't know it's a cowboy shooting game made by Rockstar. I recommend it to anyone.

Last Year of School.

Finally, I'm in the last year of school. Just one more year left then I'm free WAHOO!!
I went back to school yesterday, I thought the lessons would be alot harder but they're not justreally really depressing. School sucks.

Film of the Week

I know this week's Film of the Week is abit late but i've just gone back to school so I haven't had time to update the blog. I will have a new Film of the Week every Monday.

This week's Film of the Week is... Dodgeball.

I know it's old but it was on Filmfour last night and it was just so hilarious. Great film, a must see.

PSP Slim & Lite

So the new PSP Slim & Lite is coming to Europe 5th September (2 days) but is it really something to get excited about?









PSP Slim & Lite (Top) and original PSP (bottom).


Apart from being 33% lighter and 19% slimmer and now having 64mb ram (originally 32mb) which loads games quicker there really is not much difference. Oh yh it now has TV output and is available in different colours. But the only new colour I would go for is the Spiderman bundle which includes a red and blank PSP and a copy of spiderman 3 on PSP which explains why it wasnt released with all the other platform versions of it.
Honestly I think the PSP Slim & Lite is just a waste of Sony's money. **** the weight reduction it wasnt really that heavy anyway. What it really needs is at least 1gb of internal memory, two proper analogue sticks and a killer FPS port from the PS2, I'm thinking Timesplitters. That would really bring in the money. But I doubt any of thats going to happen.
So if you want the PSP Slim & Lite its the same price as the original PSP so it's not really a big loss in money.
For more pics visit http://babelfish.altavista.com/babelfish/trurl_pagecontent?lp=ja_en&trurl=http://www.famitsu.com/game/news/2007/08/08/103,1186541439,76465,0,0.html

Shoot 'Em Up Tv Spot

I saw this ad for Clive Owen's new film, Shoot 'Em Up on t.v. last night and thought it was awesome. Its got My Chemical Romance's song, House of Wolves. Anyway heres the video.

Film of The Week

This weeks Film of the Week is... Kids in America.

A diverse group of high school students band together to peacefully stick it to their overbearing principal.
I know it sounds crap but it's actually quite a good teen movie. It's not the usual kind of teen movie though it actually has a point and is based on real events.
Dont worry, even though Nicole Richie is on the front cover which makes you just not want watch it, she only has a minor role in the movie which makes me wonder why she's on the front cover of the dvd (the UK version anyway).Read more at http://imdb.com/title/tt0408961/

Harmless Ipod Prank

I am going to show you how to make someone think their Ipod is broken.

What you will need:

Friend with ipod

Fingers

Step 1:

Get your friends Ipod - this shouldn't be hard, just ask them if you can listen to it.

Step 2:

When the Ipod is on press the centre button and the menu button at the same time and keep them held until the screen goes blank. After a couple of seconds the Apple logo will show. While the Apple logo is showing, press the centre button and the play/pause button at the same time. A picture of a tick should show and the text should read "OK to disconnect" (image at bottom). You have put the Ipod in Hard Disk mode.

Hard Disk Mode:

In Hard Disk mode, the Ipod controls will not work and when you try to turn the Ipod off, nothing will happen. In Hard Disk mode the Ipod acts as a Hard drive.

Back to Normal:
To get the Ipod back to normal, just press the centre button and the menu button at the same time and keep them held until the screen goes blank. This resets the Ipod and will return it to its usual self.

Ipod Click Wheel - Ipod Disk Mode